The Winding Road To Healing: Progress, stuckness, and the unknown.

In today’s fast-paced world, we often feel pressured to be “fixed” or “better” as quickly as possible. Whether it's through societal expectations, professional demands, or the constant comparison to others on social media, we are led to believe that there is an urgent timeline to our healing. But the truth is, healing doesn’t have a deadline. It is not a race to reach some end goal. Instead, it is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and a recognition that growth is an ongoing process, not a destination.

The Pressure to Heal Quickly

We live in a culture that prizes productivity and efficiency. We celebrate quick fixes, immediate results, and the idea that if something is broken, it should be repaired as soon as possible. This pressure often extends to our mental health. When we experience anxiety, depression, grief, or trauma, there’s a tendency to view these struggles as obstacles to overcome quickly, as if there is a right and wrong way to heal, and only one “correct” pace.

The expectation is that we should be able to bounce back and resume normal life quickly, as if nothing ever happened. However, mental health struggles aren’t something you can just “get over” in a specific timeframe. The idea that healing is linear, or that it should fit neatly into a specific timeline, can be harmful. Everyone’s mental health journey is deeply personal, and no two paths are the same.

Understanding That Healing is a Journey

When it comes to mental health, the idea of a journey is far more realistic and compassionate. Healing is not something that happens overnight, nor does it happen in a straight line. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad days. Some days, you may feel like you've made significant progress, while others may feel like you're back at square one. This ebb and flow is not a sign of failure, it’s a natural part of the process. One important concept in understanding healing as a journey is the idea of "non-linearity.” Recovery and healing don’t follow a predictable path. There may be times when you make huge strides forward, and other times when things feel like they are slipping backward. And that’s okay. The journey is about honoring where you are in the present moment and recognizing that healing is dynamic, often unpredictable, and never bound by deadlines.

"Mental health is not a destination, but a process. It's about how you drive, not where you're going." - Noam Shpancer, Ph.D

The Importance of Patience

If there’s one quality that is crucial on the journey, it’s patience. Patience with yourself, your process, your progress, and in some cases others (in contexts where you may find yourself in family, couples, or group therapy). We live in a world that often demands instant gratification. We want answers, results, and solutions right now. But healing is not something that can be rushed. It requires time to process emotions, address trauma, learn and practice coping skills, and integrate those changes into our daily lives.

Being patient with your mental health journey means giving yourself permission to feel, to take breaks when necessary, and to understand that progress isn’t always visible, nor is it linear. Small steps like going to your therapy appointments, practicing self-care, or reaching out for support are victories in and of themselves. These milestones should be celebrated, not dismissed.

It’s easy to become frustrated with yourself if you feel like you're not making as much progress as you'd like. But the truth is, every moment spent caring for yourself and focusing on your mental health is progress. Healing is not a race, it's a deeply personal process. So, give yourself the grace to take things at your own pace and trust that you will get where you need to be in your own time. When in doubt, bring these concerns to your therapist. Let them make space for your concerns, fears, worries, and doubts. Your therapist can help you explore these, sit with them, and possibly provide a perspective not otherwise considered.

Self-Compassion: A Key to the Journey

Self-compassion is another cornerstone of the healing journey. It’s easy to fall into self-criticism when we are struggling with our mental health, especially when it feels like we should be “over it” or “better by now.” But being kind to yourself, acknowledging your struggles without judgment, and accepting that healing takes time is vital to moving forward.

A common phrasing when defining self-compassion involves treating yourself the same way you would treat a loved one going through a tough time. Perhaps a more comprehensive definition might include treating oneself with understanding, acceptance, and kindness, especially during moments of hardship. Avoid berating yourself or others for not feeling better right away. When you stop criticizing yourself for not being “better” or “further along,” you create space for healing. This means embracing your feelings, even when they are difficult, and recognizing that it’s okay to not be okay. When you show yourself kindness, you can learn to listen to your emotions and needs more deeply, which will, in turn, help you make better choices for your mental health, and this includes communicating your needs to others.

In every transformative therapy, there is a period when the patient may feel more lost than ever. They are relinquishing old ways of being and have not yet consolidated new ways. Jonathan Shedler, Ph.D

Embracing Your Unique Healing Path

Everyone’s mental health journey is unique. What works for one person may not work for another, and that’s completely fine. You may find that certain therapies, exercises, or coping mechanisms resonate with you, while others don’t. You may need to try different approaches, ask for help, or take time to discover what feels right for you. The key is not to compare your journey to anyone else’s.

It’s easy to look around and think that others have their lives together or that they experience progress or change faster than you. But remember, the outside world only shows a glimpse of someone’s life. You don’t know the full extent of their struggles or what their healing process looks like behind closed doors. So stop comparing your path to theirs. Your journey is yours alone.

It’s also important to recognize that mental health is not a destination. You don’t get to a place where you’re “fixed,” and then you’re done. Instead, it's an ongoing self-care, reflection, growth, and learning practice. And know that reflection, growth, learning, and discovery do not always feel amazing. Sometimes, you leave feeling not-so-great, and that's okay, albeit uncomfortable. You may continue to face challenges in your mental health, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you won’t have setbacks.

The Role of Support in the Journey

While the process is ultimately a personal experience, that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. Seeking support from a therapist, a support group, family, or friends can provide you with the understanding, encouragement, and guidance you need. When you allow others to be part of your journey, you remind yourself that it doesn’t need to be done in isolation. It can be incredibly comforting to connect with others who are on a similar path. Knowing that you are not alone in your struggles can provide both solace and strength. Support doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re strong enough to reach out and seek the resources you need.

We are changing life patterns. There is no path from point A to point B that does not traverse the unknown. Real transformation occurs when patient and therapist can enter and embrace that unknown. - Jonathan Shedler, Ph.D

The Road Winds On

There is a temptation to think of progress as a problem to be solved, a puzzle with an answer waiting just beyond reach. If only we could find the right insight, the right strategy, the right moment, then, surely, we would be whole. But this process resists tidy conclusions. It does not move in a straight line, nor does it abide by the timelines we set for it.

Some days, progress feels tangible, a lightness in the chest, a conversation spoken instead of swallowed, the quiet realization that a once-unbearable weight is just a little bit easier to carry. Other days, it feels like moving backward, as if the very ground beneath us has shifted, leaving us uncertain of whether we have gained anything at all. This is not failure; this is the nature of the work.

Healing is not an endpoint but a way of being, a slow unfolding rather than a sudden arrival. It is the willingness to meet yourself where you are, even when where you are feels impossibly far from where you want to be. It is found in the small, persistent steps. The ones that seem inconsequential until one day, you glance back and realize just how far you’ve come.

The road ahead will curve and double back. There will be detours, apparent dead ends, and days when you feel utterly lost. But there will also be moments of clarity, unexpected joy, and a growing resilience that carries you forward. You are not lost. You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be.

A Path to Stability

Something worth noting, there are times when the first step is not reflection or gradual progress, but immediate intervention. For those facing overwhelming distress—whether due to severe depression, risk of suicide, debilitating anxiety, or substance use—finding stability is the necessary foundation before deeper therapeutic work can begin. Inpatient care, intensive outpatient programs (IOP), and medication management can be vital pathways that ensure safety and create the conditions for meaningful progress. There is no shame in needing these supports. In fact, seeking them opens one up to greater achievable progress. Once a foundation of safety and stability is established, the deeper work can follow.